Knowing the Score

The LSAT (Law School Exam)
is very old fashioned
unlike other standardized tests
it is done via scantron sheet
number two pencil
and under close supervision
no computers
no electronics of any kind
not even a digital watch
that mechanical pencil that always stays sharp?
um no.
It reminded me of a cross between the ceremony of church
and trying to board a flight to the US from Pakistan

Before the LSAT
there were furrowed brows in my house
when I informed Baby G that I was going to Law School
he looked at me
with all the innocence of a 6 year-old
that has a Mom that misses a lot of family dinners
and asked if he was ever going to see me again
I told him more
because I could be home for dinner while in school
and he was happy

Aaron worried too
there is the traditional male/female place Aaron
that worried about not being able to contribute as much as me
the slightly envious Aaron
who wishes he could finish his undergrad degree
which he can
and will
once I am done and working
and the Aaron that fears my moving down a path in life
that we don't share together

I told him heading into the LSAT
that I couldn't face his fears and mine
and that he needed to not worry
or at least not worry out loud
because I was looking for any excuse not to move forward
and how horrible would it be
to be my excuse?
"I didn't go to Law School because Aaron feels threatened."
when under it all
he wants me happy
he wants what is best for me
and what is best for us

The morning of the test
I knew the score
he was still sleeping
but had everything ready for me
coffee pot timer had been set
my study material organized
my bag with number two pencils and other non-contraband set next to my purse
I knew the score
he was 100% behind me
even if he had his fears
he woke briefly to wish me luck
and I was on my way

Due to the desire to keep the LSAT
prim and proper and of certain standards
due to the possibility
that the people that are attracted to law just might be
trying to find a way
to beat the system
the reliance on scantrons rather than computers
means there is a 3 week wait for the score
I had my personal life score that morning
but I would not get my LSAT score for three long
maybe they'll come in early?
weeks

During that three weeks
I went back and forth between the schools I'd selected
My choices were limited because I do not plan on moving for Law School
I have a 7th grader that I will not disrupt unless I absolutely have to
so, essentially I had 6 schools from which to choose
knowing I do not plan on moving after I finish
one school, The University of Michigan Law School
didn't seem to make sense
it is geared to young guns that want to practice law in large firms
in NYC, DC, or something of that nature
they want to work 80 hours a week
make ungodly money that they will never spend until they make partner and...
well
that's not me really
I am old enough to know that while a part of life is having big dreams and big goals
another part of life is enjoying the scenery while you get there
I have no problem working long hours
but I will not lose myself in work and forget about the rest of my life
which big law firm lawyers sort of have to do
so, U of M looked less and less like an option to me
while it is the best around
I don't really want what it offers

So I compared prices
starting salary
job placement rates
all the things a person is supposed to compare
and I've narrowed my options down to three
but really?
one
I know where I want to go
but for now I will apply to three
and when my rejection/acceptance letters come in
I will let you know

How did I do on the LSAT by the way?
Good enough to get into any of the 6 schools I chose initially
not good enough for Harvard or Yale
but good enough to get into any school in the country outside of Ivy League
so, that's nice. I know if I want to throw my mommy side out the window
we could pick up and go anywhere
and I could go to school

But, I know my own score too
I know first I am a Mom
and everything else comes later
and I know I will never regret the choices I have made or am making right now